I've been humming and hawing about whether or not to post about this for some months now (in part because I know there are some people, like my mother, who read this journal and who really, really wouldn't "get" what I'm doing here), but my need to share the bizarre fruits of my genius is such that I cannot in all good conscience keep it to myself  any longer(if one uses the phrase "in all good conscience" interchangeably with "stand the lack of attention derived in the event that I"). 

First some background: There is a country which we call Japan. Japan is strange and bad. Their pornography is in particular an assault upon the functions of the human mind. I've often said that anything which comes out of Japan must - in addition to whatever other function a given product or service may serve - work to erode the concept of human dignity. Japanese shoes? They must encase your feet and erode human dignity. Japanese cars? They must drive you from place to place and erode human dignity. Japanese toothpaste? It must clean your teeth and erode human dignity. Their pornography? Well, you get the idea. Orgasms and degradation, you know. 

And then there's the North American fan community for these things. There is a large community of people who dedicate themselves to the task of accurately and faithfully translating this Japanese pornography for consumption by an english-speaking audiences. Additionally, there is a community of "re-writers" whose skill in the english language is only slightly greater than their entirely nonexistent skills in Japanese. They provide "re-writes" of these pornographic works which are entirely unconcerned with the original text or story of the works they're plastering their appalling english text over-top of. Most notorious and prolific of these is a fellow known as "OldDog51". 

A few months ago, I decided I would begin to create my own parody re-writes; making mockery of both the original content AND of the terrible re-writes of them, crafting an online identity as "NewDog15", and going out and about to seed the internet with this business. The reactions have been nearly uniformally positive; I have not shown these to one person who has not found them to be hilarious. This having been said... they remain, at their core, Japanese pornography. So while they're to be read as comedy and not as masturbatory aids, there will be those more sensitive among my readers who might find the content a trifle uncomfortable (and indeed, depending upon where you live, possibly even illegal) to view. So you know. Fair warning. 

http://img.7chan.org/h/res/9177.html

(hilariously, 7Chan has instituted a policy whereby any post which begins a thread with a post with no text will helpfully have the text "I suck dicks" as a placeholder; a policy I learned about while posting this thread)

http://www.mediafire.com/?oyuurdpc3cg

http://rapidshare.com/files/111276185/freezer_full_of_dreams__comedy_rewrite_by_newdog15_.rar.html