Hey, dickweeds.

It's come to my attention that some of you - you know who you are - don't know how to make eggs good-like. I'm gonna kick the motherfucking shit out of your ignorance, though, and teach you what your parents should have taught you in order to keep you from growing up stupid and bad-egg-cooking.

Hold on to your asses, ass-holders, because I'm gonna teach you how to make some cockpunchingly awesome eggs right the fuck now.

( Keep reading, assholes! )( Keep reading, assholes! )

Once again, the world is as cold and as dark as ever it shall be, blanketed, on the majority of its landmasses, by snow and shadow and a cold which seems to seek to leech the warmth from your very bones themselves.

It is with this in mind that it seems to me it is time to revisit a time honoured holiday tradition; the annual telling of a tale which was first recorded two years ago, and which I feel it is only meet and fitting to share with all of my livejournal friends, both new and old (a number which is now well over a hundred!), that they might be duly warned and terrified of the grim portents which this coming night always brings along with it.

With this in mind, pull up a seat for storytime, dear friends, and harken well, for I have a tale to tell...