dave_littler (dave_littler) wrote,

Why does she not listen to me?

I'm having a discussion online even as we speak. I have a friend bringing me her problems as a cat might bring one a dead mouse, as though I am supposed to be pleased by the gesture. I offer her a sip of knowledge from my infinite well of wisdom, and yet she spits it out at me, unswallowed, like the most vile cup of poison.

Tell me, and therefore by extension her, that she ought to be listening to me here.

[7:32:05 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: part of me doesn't want to stick around
[7:32:05 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: my boss is a super dick
[7:32:11 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: like not even a regular dick
[7:32:14 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: SUPER dick
[7:32:27 AM] Dave Littler: No, no, I get that!
[7:32:35 AM] Dave Littler: Over and/or above a regular dick, yes?
[7:32:43 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: yes
[7:32:52 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: on saturday
[7:33:01 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: he just get really nitpicky with me out of nowhere
[7:33:14 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: like, i know he's really easy to make angry
[7:33:20 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: and he holds grudges really easily
[7:33:32 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: so i've been trying really really hard not to make him angry at me
[7:33:37 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: but i think i've fucked that up
[7:33:51 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: so i'm pretty sure my job is going to be shitty for awhile
[7:35:16 AM] Dave Littler: That sounds terrible.
[7:35:26 AM] Dave Littler: You should smack him into liking you again.
[7:35:34 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: i don't think that would work
[7:46:01 AM] Dave Littler: So as I was saying.
[7:46:01 AM] Dave Littler: You should smack your boss until he likes you again.
[7:46:07 AM] Dave Littler: You know battered wives, right?
[7:46:10 AM] Dave Littler: Do it like that.
[7:46:18 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: i dont think that will work though
[7:46:36 AM] Dave Littler: Smack him so that he feels he deserves it and is desperate for your affection and approval and will do anything to get it.
[7:46:45 AM] Dave Littler: I bet you could even get a raise.
[7:47:08 AM] Dave Littler: I'm telling you, if drunken, abusive asshole husbands can do it, then SURELY you can.
[7:47:24 AM] Dave Littler: Are you saying they're better at managing their relationships than you are?
[7:47:29 AM] Dave Littler: Smarter than you are?
[7:47:32 AM] Dave Littler: Better than you are?
[7:47:39 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: well this would be the equivalent of the wife hitting the drunken, abusive asshole husband
[7:48:01 AM] Dave Littler: Good point.
[7:48:22 AM] Dave Littler: You should get some testosterone injections in order to claim the masculine highground.
[7:48:47 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: lol
[7:49:46 AM] Dave Littler: Well if you're just going to laugh at my suggestions, I don't see what the point of bringing me your problems is.
[7:49:55 AM] Dave Littler: It's almost like you don't WANT me to solve them for you!
[7:50:09 AM] Dave Littler: And my solutions!
[7:50:15 AM] Dave Littler: They are so elegantly simple!
[7:50:22 AM] Dave Littler: Minimalistic masterpieces!
[7:50:39 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: i just disagree that it would be effective
[7:50:56 AM] Dave Littler: Well there's your problem right there.
[7:51:02 AM] Dave Littler: See? A drunken asshole husband?
[7:51:11 AM] Dave Littler: He doesn't ask himself questions like that.
[7:51:15 AM] Dave Littler: He just does it!
[7:51:19 AM] Dave Littler: And he gets results!
[7:51:24 AM] Dave Littler: That's what makes him a winner!
[7:51:26 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: well in the workplace i could get fired
[7:51:44 AM] Dave Littler: Not if you do it right!
[7:51:53 AM] Dave Littler: Like a winner!
[7:52:08 AM] Dave Littler: You know the old saying "I'll show you who's boss!"?
[7:52:11 AM] Dave Littler: Like that!
[7:52:12 AM] Idiotdoesn'tagreewithmestarfish: lol
[7:52:42 AM] Dave Littler: Yes, you laugh with delight at my wit and wisdom, as the manifest correctness of my words reveal themselves to you.
[7:52:50 AM] Dave Littler: Like a child viewing her first rainbow.
[7:52:58 AM] Dave Littler: It is beautiful to your eyes.
Tags: conversation

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.