Okay. I'm feelin' a mite pissed off. I'm not going into detail here. You should be able to infer at least some of it from context.
Really, I'm feeling pretty predisposed to being pissed-off. Hearing even a few stray lyrics of any love song is enough to make me want to put my fist through a fucking wall right now. Really gets the adrenaline going, know what I'm saying?
Now, it's occurred to me: I've been working out about 16 hours a week lately, and I've been experimenting with different types of music to have playing on my MP3 player while doing so. Might a selection of love songs, especially with christian overtones not be effective in motivating myself to push myself that much harder?
I imagine myself listening to a loop of that crap, and developing the absolute fucking certainty that I do not merely want, but NEED the strength necessary to strangle the life out of the world itself with my bare fucking hands. So I'd better work out harder, because that ol' world is clearly mocking me with this banal, mindless bullshit.
Dillemma: I don't know a thing about this genre of music. Don't know where to look. Don't know where to start.
Therefore: Can any of you suggest some good selections to elevate me to the very apex of all possible fury? The most brainless, mainstream, vapid turds-in-the-toilet-bowl-of-human-though
Time to sleep. Still have about four things left on that list to do, but all told, a pretty productive morning. Fifteen e-mails sent out, got my workout done, and some writing.
And at any event, I got some decent photos taken of myself. I think I'm going to get into the habit of having such pictures taken on the 6th of every month until I'm completely happy with how I'm looking. As it stands, I think I'm doing pretty good.
Yet another portfolio piece in the making. Still ahve to clean up the lines here and there, but all told, I rather like it, especially in light of the fact that I've never drawn a motorcycle before...
In other news, I've now lost THIRTY lbs on my diet! Rock, rock on!
Bck in the day, I used to run from Queen Elizabeth Park, to Waterfront Skytrain Station, to Main Street Skytrain station without ever taking a pause for rest. Generally, this would occur around 3:00 in the AM. Then came employment, and this sort of thing had to come to an end. That was... four years aho? Five? Something like that. It's beeen a long, long time since I've been that physically fit.
I feel like I'm getting close, though. Not in terms of the specifics of the mass and shape of my body - not yet - but close to the point where I had the discipline and commitment that I had in those days. The run I just made lasted from 10:53 to 11:39. The last such run I took was significantly shorter in terms of distance, but took about an hour. My resilience and stamina are growing by the day.
Last time I considered myself physically fit, I weighed in at 235 lbs. These days, I'm still a big 250, down from the 275 or so I was a month and a half ago. Therefore, I set myself this goal:
I will get myself down to 230 lbs. This will be fit -enough- . I will consider this an adequate physique, as it will likely be the best shape I will have been in in my adult life. And I will accept no less than that.
And when the day comes that my scale tells me that I have reached this goal, I will consider myself attractive enough to move on with my life.
It's no secret, after all, that attractive people are always more socially successfull than ugly people. I have set a goal for myself that I should have a job by the end of this year which my artistic skills will fashion me with. Particularly, I aspire to be a video game concept artist. There are a few local companies which I've had my eye on. This is why I've been building up my portfolio in such a rapid manner, also: I must have the best and most varied stock of original artwork to put before a prospective employer as I can.
So: I will acheive the best physical condition of my adult life. And then, thus improved, I will go and try out for the best job of my adult life. This is my ambition. And I will not be deterred.
So, being down to 252 lbs, my target of 235 lbs hoves ever closer into view.
Maybe I CAN reach that ambitious goal of shedding 20 lbs in the space of a month. Six more lbs. to lose in six days. At this rate, it suddently doesn't seem un-attainable...!
In thwe aftermath, I decided I was just going to eat whatever the hell I wanted, and not even care about what I looked like as a result; I didn't want my heart getting broken again any time soon, and I figured if I was grotesquely fat, there'd be nobody who'd ever be attracted to me, and thus, I wouldn't get involved with anyone, and thus, nobody would break up with me.
Well, that was fine for a year or so, but enough is enough. It's spring, and I'm feelin' frisky again.
So, about three and a half weeks ago, I decided it was time to get back into shape. My goal: To drop from 272 lbs to 250 in the space of a month.
'Cause, see, I got what we call "willpower". It seemed an attainable goal.
Well, time is running low, and I'm gettin' mixed results. See, objectively, I AM 12 lbs lighter than I was three and a half weeks ago. I'm down to 260 lbs. Not bad. Not bad. A good start. Of course, there's my methods to keep in mind.
In addition to getting myself into a wicked-lean diet, I've also been workin' out pretty fierce. Building a little bit more exercize each day upon my routine, I'm now working out about five and a half hours a day, and we're talking the kind of working out where several times a day, I find myself drenched in sweat and wheezing for breath.
So, I reckon my gain in muscle mass offsets my weight loss a little bit. Maybe more than a little bit.
A couple of observations:
1) I'm buckling my belt three holes further down the row than I was in april.
2) I can run, full-out, for twenty minutes, while carrying 20 lbs of bags with me, without being winded at the end.
3) Most surprisingly of all, people are starting to respond to me not just as a big, imposing guy, but as a big, impressive guy.
All goes well!
Now, I just need to get my head in the game and get my comic going again. Excessive focus in one area really dtracts from everything else.